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She Comes First: A Book Review
by Maris Lemieux
You’ll probably see the title mentioned on sexy web sites that cater to both male and female sexuality: She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman. OK, great title. So what does this book have to offer that you don’t already know?
The first cool thing about Kerner’s book is that it doesn’t come from a female doctor or a lesbian; it’s told from the point of view of a guy, a guy who found refuge in cunnilingus when his sex life was suffering from, shall we say, quite a letdown. At the time, Kerner was wrestling with premature ejaculation. "Cunnilingus," Kerner tells us, "not only enabled me to pleasure a woman utterly and completely, it allowed me to stop worrying about sex and start enjoying it."
Not that there’s anything wrong with female or lesbian information. For those who like hearing their intimate details from people on the inside, lesbians and female MDs would be it. But Kerner’s book pays more attention to a guy’s psychology. The insights come from the perspective of "what I did was..." instead of "what you need to do is..." and for that reason may be less intimidating. Plus it’s good to see that you don’t have to have first-hand knowledge of a woman’s yummy feelings to give good eat. Another advantage of the guy’s eye view is Kerner’s awareness of men’s porn, the un-partnered guy’s sexual schoolroom. This allows him to point out useful contrasts between sex with real females and porn sex.
One thing that really lets us know that Kerner understands the little laps of progress towards a woman’s arousal, is his knack for teasing readers on: tiny chapters.
The chapter on women’s scent is worthy, especially if you’re one of those guys (and Kerner tells us "those guys" are almost the norm) who has reservations about women’s juices. The tip on mixing vino and vulva is probably one of the best -- you learn these twin Vs have similar pH factors. There is a good chapter on tongue techniques. You get "The Jackson Pollack Licks," "The Lily Pad" and "Finishing Touches" taken from the art school of pointillism. And then Kerner guides the reader through increasing stimulation, adding one finger at a time, increasing pressure and so forth, until you’ve got a whole repertoire going full bore. The last chapter of She Comes First even gives readers complete cunnilingus "routines," and they’re divided into levels -- beginner, intermediate, advanced.
If the first half of the book is expository, the second half of the book is all process -- basically, a series of recipes for heating up the pussy. A reader who likes instruction manuals will find it clear and helpful. For example, in addition to the "routines," Kerner organizes the tricks of the trade into finger techniques and tongue techniques.
So while the step-by-step sections make She Comes First about as handy as a car repair manual walking you through the mechanics of the job, there is one problem . . . your car doesn’t need romance. You can pull your head out from under the hood of a car to consult the owner’s manual. But if you pull your tongue away from the clitoral hood to consult Kerner’s instructions, you probably won’t find its owner as forgiving as your car. You might rather have a good memory handy.
The book reinforces much of what Lisa Chavez covered in her two "Gourmet Eating at the Y" articles (below). So if you’ve read these articles, you’d get Kerner’s book for fine tuning and for his approach, not for bundles of new information. The premise of Kerner’s approach is implied in the title: Since women take roughly twenty minutes of foreplay to reach orgasm whereas men take roughly four minutes, it’s wise to start foreplay off with the woman. Except that Kerner calls cunnilingus "coreplay," since he maintains that for a woman, orgasm is all about the clit.
On this matter, Kerner is seized with intellectual fervor. He devotes a chapter or two to explaining why he rejects recent schools of thought that give both vaginal and G-spot orgasms equal status with the clitoral orgasm, granted, a heated popular debate among sexologists. Kerner argues that it is always the clitoris -- with its 18 parts including internal "legs" and other organs -- that is actually receiving stimulation when you work the G-spot or vagina. And he therefore concludes that all orgasms are clitoral.
This would be the "Thinking Man" part of the title. This aspect of the book might put some people off. For example, Kerner has a hefty vocabulary and isn’t afraid to use it. And as mentioned earlier, he may call on literature, art, or philosophy to enhance his explanations.
For an intellectual guy’s perspective that provides a lick-by-lick plan of attack, this book will do well in your arsenal. And vive la clit.
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