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O Solo Duo
by Kris Kennedy
A recent article in Mainichi Daily News (Ryann Connell ) reports that not only are young (20s and 30s) Japanese married couples forgoing sex to engage in mutual masturbation, but night clubs called "happening clubs" are springing up in Japan. The main attraction? Masturbation -- both sexes; solo, a deux, it doesn’t matter. Sometimes the masturbator is a female exhibitionist performing for onlookers, other times it’s a young man raising his handy squirt to the level of competition. Yes, the male cumming contest is a favorite at happening clubs.
It’s obvious why social masturbation would appeal in a club environment, but why is it so popular among happily partnered couples? Anecdotal couples spoke of mutually busy lives, tensions, and exhaustion -- both partners were dealing with the same erotic inhibitors, but not at the same time. The quickie masturbation session is a half-way measure for partners whose sexual patterns are never in sync. The performance anxiety associated with intercourse was another reason partners cited for taking orgasmic matters into their own hands. Meanwhile experts try to guess at the reasons -- could it be the internet -- that combination of cyber-isolation and instant gratification? Could it be the fear of STD’s? Of pregnancy?
The good thing about these mutual masturbation societies is that couples who once did it individually on the sly are doing it together. He’s not hiding his porn; she’s not hiding her vibrators. And it seems to be saving marriages that may have otherwise petered out so to speak.
If we are to believe the surveys, then folks in the United States haven’t caught on to this slappy solution. Overall, married American men feel guilty about masturbation and still feel the need to sneak off to the broom closet with Playboy and a flashlight (and be quick about it!). To be sure, this is partly due to upbringing, but maybe also partly due to the attitudes of American women. "Why do you have to do that when you have me?" is the usual ladies lament. But if she could set right down beside him with her vibrator in hand, what mutual moans might happen then? If you’re going to moan and groan about something, why not do it together? Perhaps if Americans of both sexes could experience the Japanese "happening club" they’d have a change in attitude. Lighten up and start singing, You can do it on the run; you can do it just for fun -- no fuss, no stress. And for a marriage that’s sexless or nearly sexless anyway, how could it hurt?
Well, if you have a religious affiliation to worry about, then this simple question may not be so simple. While religious source books don’t clarify things much, religious advisors have heated interpretive discussions over what little the sources do say. Generally, even if you’ve found mutual masturbation rains relief on the sexual drought in your relationship, don’t expect the more fundamental factions of each religion to be supportive. Most liberal strains of interpretation usually take a hands-off approach.
But here’s a brief rundown of what they’re all saying. From a Christian perspective, there’s the Biblical business about Onan. God told Onan to marry his deceased brother’s wife and give her a child. God found that Onan was instead "spilling his seed on the ground" (raging Biblical debate about what that means) and so killed him. If you’re unlucky, you belong to a denomination that interprets this story (Genesis 38:10) so as to outlaw the practice of masturbation altogether. Other not so happy Biblical interpretations think that Onan’s crime (in spilling his seed on the ground) was coitus interruptus ("pulling out" while you’re ahead). It’s more likely that Onan’s grave transgression was that after being told to give the woman a kid, he stubbornly refused. If that’s the case, God would have been just as likely to kill him for abstinence. Biblical scholars are still arguing.
Many Islamic counselors say that it’s OK for the couple to masturbate each other, but not OK to masturbate separately in each other’s company. Christian counseling sources seem to feel that while nothing specifically rules out mutual masturbation, it shouldn’t replace intercourse. Jewish law seems to be OK with the pleasurable act of stimulating your genitals, though you can find schools of thought that want the man to be sure to deliver his seed into a vagina before he’s done.
But after all this, the main thing to remember is that the sources don’t clearly address the issue. The "Understanding Islam" educational web site says that, "As far as the legal standing of self-induced sexual pleasure is concerned, the Shari`ah is absolutely silent on this topic." Christian scholars have used the same words about the Bible -- that it’s silent on the issue. And yet people who feel guilt over masturbating will find no end of interpretations condemning the act and supporting their guilt. But guilt is such a waste of potential lovemaking energy.
Unfortunately, if you happen to be Catholic, you and your church doctrine may be parting ways over the art of slapping happy. The bad news is, if you’re married, you’re supposed to be having kids -- mutual masturbation is not in this picture. The worse news is that if you’re not married . . . well, let’s not go there. Just say that if you’re Catholic and masturbating -- with or without your spouse, partner, or Playboy porn pals -- the only place you can slink your sorry ass off to is the confessional.
Probably the most legitimate line of reasoning from religious sources is that the O solo duo takes out the element of gift-giving, the part where one partner gives sexual pleasure to another. In this line of reasoning, caring and attention to someone other than oneself, putting someone else’s happiness first, these are the desired benefits of conjugal relations. Good idea. So let the partners take turns coming first. And doesn’t it count when you give your mate the voyeuristic pleasure of watching you writhe as you play with your wet pussy or fat hard-on? Who says "giving pleasure" has to mean with "hands on"? Really, if you’re in a relationship where the sex has been dysfunctional for some time, isn’t any shared sexual pleasure better than no sharing at all?
Ultimately, the religious person has to work this out with his conscience. But for the rest of us... tally ho!
For women who have never had an orgasm, sex therapists recommend that the woman begin working with a vibrator. And this method has been wildly successful. Once a lady learns to have an orgasm with the vibrator, then she is over the hump (but hopefully not over humping). In most cases, she then takes her new orgasmic abilities into her partnered sex life, incorporating the skills into their sex play or teaching him exactly how to make her squeal. Many women have gotten over orgasmic dysfunction in this way.
What if there’s a similar cure for the sexual decline that often plagues long-term relationships as they mature? Maybe the Japanese are onto something. Mutual masturbation functions as a way for the couple to "get over the hump," the plateau or roadblock that they’ve been trying to ignore. From the statistics, it looks like all too many partnerships do avoid this hump. They look instead for the afternoon affair, thinking it the only option.
Hooray for more options. Mutual masturbation arrives to save the day. If it can help bridge a relationship to a place of more intimate sharing, well then why not?
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